stole this from someone but its fucking hilarious.

Truer words have never been spoken

Thoughts from the 21st century:

1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?
4. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
5. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
6. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
7. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
8. Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
9. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
10. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
11. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
12. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
13. I would like to officially coin the phrase ‘catching the swine flu’ to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: “Dave caught the swine flu last night.”
14. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
15. Bad decisions make good stories
16. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
17. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
18. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
19. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV.. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’ true even with iPods, being Dj .
20. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
21. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
22. When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
23. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
24. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
25. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
26. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
27. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.